The best displays of trust are when trust is given freely.
It is much, much easier to give trust to a trustworthy person. So, how do you determine if you will give trust? A great way to establish trust is by getting to know the person you want to trust.
Along with trust is trustworthiness. If you’re giving me trust…I need to be trustworthy. And vice versa, if I’m going to trust you…you need to be trustworthy. It’s very much a situation where we affect each other and each person’s actions impact the others.
Now, what can you and your spouse do if you want to increase the level of trust in your marriage? Here are the four quick things you can start doing now to build trust in your marriage.
1. Increase eye contact.
Pause and set aside any distractions and give your undivided attention. I am constantly amazed by how little couples look each other in the eye. Eye contact is powerful and intimate. Be intentional when you’re talking, face one another, and hold eye contact. Steal small moments where you just gaze with affection at your spouse. Have sex with the lights on and your eyes open.
2. Draw a picture.
This is a communication activity that’s fun but ultimately intended to display how difficult it can be to communicate our intent to someone else. I’ve yet to meet a couple that comes to my office for therapy and who doesn’t want to improve their communication. First, it back to back with each other. Second, give your spouse verbal instructions on what to draw without watching them. If you want your spouse to draw a flower you cannot say flower. You have to describe each line or shape to create the picture. Remember, no peaking. The object of this exercise is to see how close you each can draw what your spouse is describing solely by your verbal instructions.
3. Ask trust questions.
Give each other permission to ask a single question and give an honest answer. The thought of giving a person carte blanche in your life is scary. And yet, the act of giving your partner permission to ask a question is highly valuable because you are communicating a willingness to be open and vulnerable. You might consider adding an element of fun by creating a game. Who didn’t enjoy playing truth or dare or never have I ever in high school?
4. Be quick to say, I’m sorry.
Apologies and forgiveness are central to a trusting relationship. A big part of holding trust in a marriage is believing that your spouse has your best interest in mind. When we function from a position of trust, we assume the best of our spouse. When we are human and mess up, causing a hurt, we need to be quick to own our role in that hurt. Own your part, apologize for hurting the person you love, and learn not to repeat the same choices.
To summarize: a trusting marriage is full of healthy interactions. Find joy in looking at your spouse with affection. Be intentional about hearing what your spouse has to say, making special note of what is intended. Share information with each other. Let your spouse be that first person you share the good and bad, the funny and the sad. And lastly, always be quick to apologize.
HELP IS AVAILABLE!
If you are struggling to navigate the complexities of marriage, don’t hesitate to get help. Did you know, most couples wait for 7-years to seek help with a problem? At Homestead Family Therapy, we can provide a unique plan created specifically to meet your relationship needs. We provide services throughout Pennsylvania, including in-person sessions in Gettysburg and East Berlin. We also offer HIPAA-compliant tele-health options statewide.
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Contact Homestead Family Therapy today and learn how we can help support you. Just call (717) 482-1971 and schedule your complimentary consultation!